I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
