I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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