Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
