Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize