Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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