so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
