i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
