birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
