I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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