Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize