just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize