You kept calling me your small dog last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Panties = found
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