went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He felt like a one man threesome
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
