check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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