She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
