just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
