the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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