his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
