Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Of course I have a pirate flag
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize