I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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