then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
