omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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