wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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