Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want to make out with him forever
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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