Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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