did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize