no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize