let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
