Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Someone stole a lamp last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sobbing to NWA
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
