handjob tips. give me some.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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