i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
