just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
