im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
