is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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