It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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