last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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