I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
