someone threw a dead crab at me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
