Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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