I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
