So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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