oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
