After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
