You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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