Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
