it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want nice things and good sex
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
