I wanna bring you to show and tell
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
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