He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
