the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize