i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
