I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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