Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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