it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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