On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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