1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
