I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
