What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
