Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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