I just made out with a guy for $7.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
