I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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