He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Pooping to opera.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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