Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Your tits are I can't wait for
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
