I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
