Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
