Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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