If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Enjoy the penises
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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