he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
