Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
