hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
