I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
