id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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