Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
