ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize