my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Someone shit on the floor
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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