Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
