your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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