so explain again why im purple
no
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize