Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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